They Held a New Olympics Where Athletes Can Take as Many Drugs and Steroids as They Want, and the Funniest Possible Thing Happened

Enhanced Games organizers promised that participants could use any performance-enhancing drugs to reach previously unattainable athletic levels and beat world records. The event was supported by Silicon Valley billionaire Peter Thiel and biohacker Christian Angermayer. Athletes competed in Olympic disciplines with the goal of swimming, sprinting, and lifting faster through stimulants, growth hormones, and peptides. Three winners were reported to have not taken banned substances, undermining the event’s marketing. A widely disputed 50 meter freestyle record claim was not expected to be recognized by international sporting bodies. The swimmer who set the time used banned substances and also wore a special suit banned in professional sports more than a decade earlier. Organizers framed the event as the “Olympics of the future.”

"For years now, organizers of a controversial sporting event called the Enhanced Games have been promising to push the limits of human athleticism by allowing participants to use whatever performance enhancing drugs they want."

"The event, which took place over the weekend, saw dozens of athletes go head to head in a number of Olympic disciplines with the hope of proving that synthetically enhancing their bodies would allow them to swim and sprint faster, not to mention lift heavier weights. But instead, as The Guardian reports, three of the event's winners weren't actually taking any banned substances at all - a hilarious development that put a major dent into the organizers' boisterous marketing."

"However, there was one widely-disputed claim of a world record, which won't be recognized by international sporting bodies. Greek athlete Kristian Gkolomeev beat Australian swimmer Cameron McEvoy's 50 meter freestyle record by a mere 0.07 seconds, covering the distance in just 20.81 seconds. And even that claim is a bit muddy: while Gkolomeev was using several banned substances, he was also relying on a special swimming suit that was banned in professional sports over a decade ago."

"Organizers were seemingly desperate to run a victory lap in their efforts to paint the event as the "Olympics of the future." "We have arrived in mainstream culture," said Enhanced Games CEO 3ximilian Martin in a statement. "We are here to stay. We have changed the world tonight.""

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