"Commend him for being so actively involved in class as you point out that it is also important for him to give other students a chance to participate. Tell him that you cannot call on him every time he raises his hand. Moreover, he should not raise his hand for every question. Explain that it is good manners and thoughtful to allow space for other students to be able to raise their hands and be part of the conversation."
"When I bring it up, he insists he's just multitasking and that it's not a big deal. I don't want to seem needy or controlling, but it makes me feel like he's not fully present when we spend time together. I really like this guy, but I'm starting to wonder if this behavior is a red flag or just a bad habit. How do I talk to him about this without sounding like I'm overreacting?"
Speak privately with the eager student and commend his active engagement while explaining the need to give other students opportunities to participate. Inform him that the instructor cannot call on him every time he raises his hand and ask him to reserve hand-raising for appropriate moments. Suggest involving his academic adviser to identify any formal accommodations and to support behavioral expectations. Address the partner's constant phone use by having a calm, specific conversation about how the behavior makes one feel and requesting phone-free time or clearer boundaries during shared activities. Frame the conversation nonaccusatorily, describe situations, and set expectations for presence.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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