For much of life, the body felt like a problem, resulting in disordered eating. Various eating disorder diagnoses reflected ongoing internal conflicts. College intensified issues with diet culture, leading to cycles of restriction and bingeing tied to feelings of worthiness. Recovery was a nonlinear process filled with setbacks, emphasizing the embrace of kindness and listening to bodily signals. Despite worries about pregnancy triggering past eating disorders, the experience led to feelings of pride and grounding, showcasing the body's miraculous capabilities instead of focusing on societal pressures.
I was at odds with myself... sometimes the solution looked like not eating. Other times, it looked like eating everything in sight and then drowning in shame.
Recovery didn't happen all at once. It was slow, nonlinear, and full of stumbles. I relapsed. I healed. I learned to feed myself with kindness, community, and the radical act of rest.
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