I'm 66 and I recently understood that the reason I find it so hard to ask for help is not independence - it is the very specific and very old belief that needing something from another person is the first step toward becoming a burden, and a burden, in the house I grew up in, was the one thing nobody was allowed to be - Silicon Canals

"For forty years as an electrician, I carried this same philosophy into every job site, every situation. Need help lifting a spool of wire? Figure it out. Can't reach something? Find a ladder. Overwhelmed with work? Stay late. The equation was simple: needing equals weakness, weakness equals burden, burden equals failure."

"Growing up, my mother would make dinner for the family every night, her ankles swollen from standing, never asking anyone to set the table until it became obvious she couldn't do it alone. This wasn't just independence. This was fear dressed up as self-reliance."

"The house had its own economy of need, and the currency was silence. You earned your keep by never asking for anything. The worst thing you could be wasn't lazy or stupid or even mean. The worst thing you could be was someone who took more than you gave."

A father’s stoic approach to pain and self-reliance shaped a belief that needing help equates to weakness. This philosophy was passed down, creating a family dynamic where asking for assistance was seen as burdensome. Observations of family struggles revealed that independence often stemmed from fear rather than strength. The realization came during retirement, prompting reflection on the unhealthy patterns of self-reliance and the importance of acknowledging needs without shame.

Read at Silicon Canals