Never Let Me Go: Accepting the Reality of Losing Your Child

"Right now, you might not feel like you're at the beginning of anything, much less the beginning of the rest of your life. After losing a child, it's not like we can completely start over and pretend that what has happened never happened. We can't alter the past, but we can change how we choose to move forward. Don't worry, your grief isn't going anywhere."

"Little by little, you'll learn to absorb it until you forget that it was once a separate entity that scared the hell out of you. You've been moving through it at your own speed while putting in the work, and at some point down the road, you'll wake up and decide it's finally time to let go. Just to reassure you, you're not letting go of your child. You're letting go of the pain and suffering and fully accepting the reality of losing them."

"What actually happens is the opposite of everything you feared. Once you're able to let go of the agonizing thoughts that you've clung to since the day you got the terrible news, you'll feel stronger-no, it's more than that; you'll feel, for the first time in a long time, a sense of freedom and control, which sounds contradictory but no less mind-blowing."

After the loss of a child, the past cannot be changed, but choices about how to move forward can change. Grief remains present and must be absorbed gradually until it no longer feels like a separate, terrifying entity. Moving through grief at a personal pace and doing the work eventually leads to a decision to let go of the pain while retaining love for the child. Letting go removes agonizing thoughts, restores a sense of control and freedom, and deepens the connection with the child. Fear about losing connection, guilt, or falling back into despair is common, but actual outcomes are often the opposite.

Read at Psychology Today