Experiencing many low days, depression often feels permanent and overwhelming. The depression causes the thought that current pain is unending despite recognizing that belief may be false. There is uncertainty about being on the right path and a sense of needing to prepare to leave family and never look back. Communication restrictions create questions about the reality of the relationship and whether both people are pretending to be good partners. Past experiences include homelessness, sleeping in a car, searching for work and housing, and lacking meaningful connections. The current coping strategy includes wanting an escape from responsibilities and trying to gain a few days' stability.
Experiencing a lot of low days lately. When I get depressed like this, it ends up feeling like this is how it's always been and how it always will be. I know that's probably not true. I hope I'm on the right path. Right now it doesn't feel like it. It feels like I need to be prepared to leave my family and never look back.
Maybe I let myself believe this is as something it wasn't. If I'm not allowed to talk, why am I even here? Is this a real relationship or are we both just imagining good partners and faking the rest when reality doesn't match? I felt like this a lot back when I was out on my own. Sleeping in my car, looking for work and a place to stay. Felt like I never really had any meaningful connections.
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