Being characterized as "good" became synonymous with staying quiet, suppressing voice, needs, emotions, and physical presence. A learned pattern of appeasement developed as a nervous-system survival strategy labeled fawning. Safety was sought through becoming who others expected, saying what others wanted to hear, and avoiding complaint. Bodily manifestations included holding breath in tense moments, smiling despite anxiety, swallowing words, and feeling exhausted after social interactions. Persistent silence and appeasement produced a deep disconnection from internal needs and authentic expression, replacing genuine boundaries with a pattern of people-pleasing and self-erasure.
"Your silence will not protect you." ~Audre Lorde When I was little, I learned that being "good" meant being quiet. Not just with my voice, but with my needs. My emotions. Even the space I took up. I don't remember anyone sitting me down and saying, "Don't speak unless spoken to." But I felt it-in the flinches when I was too loud, the tension when I cried, the subtle praise when I stayed calm, agreeable, small.
But the truth is, I had internalized a nervous system survival strategy: fawning. A subtle, often invisible adaptation where safety is sought not through flight or fight but through appeasement. Becoming who others want you to be. Saying what they want to hear. In my body, this looked like: Holding my breath in tense conversations Smiling when I felt anxious Swallowing words that rose in my throat Feeling exhausted after social interactions, not knowing why
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