"The relief you feel when plans dissolve is your body registering the removal of a demand it was already struggling to meet. That's a regulatory response. Your parasympathetic nervous system is stepping in, the same way it does after any perceived threat passes. The key word there is 'perceived.' Social obligations, especially when stacked on top of work stress, emotional labor, and decision fatigue, register in the brain as demands that require performance."
"Psychologist Marisa Franco, whose research on adult friendship has gained significant attention in recent years, has noted that many people confuse social desire with social capacity. You can genuinely want to see someone and simultaneously lack the bandwidth to show up as a present, engaged human being. Those two things coexist constantly, and we almost never acknowledge it."
When social plans get canceled and relief floods through your body, this response carries important psychological information. The relief indicates your nervous system was struggling to meet the demand of the social obligation. Psychologist Marisa Franco's research distinguishes between social desire and social capacity—you can genuinely want to see someone while lacking the bandwidth to show up fully present. This relief is a regulatory response from your parasympathetic nervous system, similar to how it responds when any perceived threat passes. Social obligations register as performance demands in the brain, especially when combined with work stress, emotional labor, and decision fatigue. Rather than interpreting this relief as a character flaw, it should be understood as honest feedback about your current capacity.
Read at Silicon Canals
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