"Appropriate fear is aimed at the object or event we are afraid of: for instance, fear of a rattlesnake about to attack us. Our response to appropriate fear is to flee, fight, freeze, or appease. If what we fear is something we can't change, we accept that fact and the uncertainty of the outcome. We accept that we don't have control, and we trust that our inner resources will kick in when the outcome occurs."
"Neurotic fear is being afraid we will not be able to handle the object or event: for example, fear of closeness is not aimed at the closeness experience. It is fear that we will not be able to establish boundaries and thereby will be engulfed by the other when she becomes emotionally close to us. To respond to neurotic, imagined, habitual, or irrational fear, we can use the 4A technique of admitting, allowing, acting, and affirming:"
Appropriate fear targets a real, present danger and triggers flee, fight, freeze, or appease responses; when the danger cannot be changed, acceptance of uncertainty and trust in inner resources is recommended. Immediate calming includes three deep breaths while saying "Yes to what is and what might be" and gentle self-soothing by holding the anxious area. Neurotic fear involves imagined inability to cope, such as fear of closeness rooted in boundary worries. The 4A technique—admit, allow, act, affirm—helps by recognizing fear, tolerating manageable anxiety with kind self-holding, choosing deliberate action, and affirming safety to foster courage.
Read at Psychology Today
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