"A few minutes later, when a grotesque gnarled sewer rat, dripping with rank nameless effluvium, poked its one-eyed head out of a storm drain's black shadows and chittered "NBANBANBA" at me as I strolled by with my quadruple espresso, I did what any sensible pedestrian would do: hitched up my pants legs and ran screeching for a rabies booster and an ampule of Holy Water."
"Unrelatedly, later it occurred to me to wonder whether the folks over at the National Basketball Association were planning on staging another one of their "season" exhibitions this year, and whether, if they were, we at Defector mightn't write up some thoughts and expectations ahead of that, for the edification and entertainment of our loyal paying readership. As it turns out: No! They are not having a season this year."
A surreal narrative opens with bizarre encounters: a barista making a demonic hiss and a sewer rat chittering 'NBANBANBA,' provoking frantic, ritualized reactions. A proposal to create a 2025–26 NBA preview follows, but the plan collapses upon the revelation that no season will take place that year. The absence of a season nullifies any prospect of future champions, including a hypothetical Washington Wizards 2026 Finals victory. A speculative, entertaining list of teams, players, and storylines is presented as an imagined preview for readers who remain interested in basketball culture despite the canceled season.
Read at Defector
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