"You don't have to perform grief for your children, but I'm sure I don't have to tell you that your kids don't need to know about any feelings of happiness or relief at their father's death. Tell them that you are sad for their loss and that you hate the fact that someone who meant so much to them is no longer here. Explain that their emotions are the ones that matter most right now;"
"if you need to offer more that, you can share that you grieved your relationship with your ex long ago and that his place in your life was based on who he was to them. Encourage them to share how they are processing the loss and be vocal about your empathy: "I'm so sorry this happened," "I know how hard this must be for you." I'm sure you do feel bad for your children, even if you don't feel bad about your ex."
Avoid showing children feelings of happiness or relief about a parent's death. Tell children that you are sad for their loss and that someone who meant a lot to them is gone. Emphasize that the children's emotions matter most right now, and explain that any personal grief over the relationship was processed earlier. Encourage the children to share how they are processing the loss and respond with explicit empathy. Use clear phrases of comfort and prioritize concern for the children over privately felt feelings of relief.
Read at Slate Magazine
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