"I'm a stepdad who wants nothing more than to be a good father to my stepson. He is 14 years old and many years past the divorce trauma involving his mom and his biological dad. His dad is, from my vantage point, a terrible human being in every way you can imagine. He has rarely paid child support. He is an addict and a drunk, and has exposed his kid to legions of drugs and debaucheries."
"One of the ways in which the great psychiatrist and teacher Elvin Semrad communicated with his pupils was via the Zen-like homemade proverb. "The only time people leave their mothers is when they're ready to go," he would say. Or: "It's hard to look at the bottom of a well and see what's there." And then there's my favorite: "Who can tell anybody anything?" I've been pondering that one for years, rolling it around in my brain-orifice like an Everlasting Gobstopper."
A stepfather wants to be a good father to his 14-year-old stepson who remains emotionally attached to a negligent, addicted biological father who rarely pays support and exposes him to drugs and harmful ideas about women. The biological father's older children avoid him, yet the adolescent still seeks his favor and returns from visits with retrograde notions about women. The stepfather wonders whether to tell the teenager about the father's moral and behavioral failings. Zen-like proverbs such as "The only time people leave their mothers is when they're ready to go" and "Who can tell anybody anything?" emphasize that individuals must learn their own lessons and that hints, warnings, and exhortations often have little lasting influence.
Read at The Atlantic
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