A 14-year-old makes general negative comments about drinking alcohol, and a parent wants to validate the beliefs without becoming hypocritical. The parent’s own moderate drinking may not automatically undermine the teen’s views. The recommended response is to invite elaboration when the teen mentions alcohol casually, using a prompt that asks what led to the thought. The teen’s remarks may come from increased peer discussion, disgust after seeing someone intoxicated, or a desire to reassure the parent that the teen is not drinking. A comfortable, casual conversation can clarify the underlying reason and guide next steps.
"Next time he mentions drinking in an offhand comment, I would push him to elaborate: "You're not wrong! But what made you think about it?" It is very possible that his friends are beginning to talk about alcohol more, and he might be expressing his disgust at the thought. Or he could be trying to reassure you that he's not drinking. Maybe he saw someone really drunk and was disgusted by it, so it's on his mind."
"I don't think your son watching you and his dad drink a cocktail will necessarily make him think you're a hypocrite. But I think his new observations might be stemming from something else he's seeing. Next time he mentions drinking in an offhand comment, I would push him to elaborate: "You're not wrong! But what made you think about it?""
"Either way, a good but casual conversation in which he feels comfortable sharing will likely get to the bottom of this. The goal is to understand what triggered the comment rather than simply react to the statement itself, and to create space for the teen to explain what he has noticed or experienced."
Read at Slate Magazine
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