"We've tried to minimize opportunities for comparison by putting them in separate classes at school and letting them each pick their own extracurricular activity, but lately Lily has been upset and discouraged that Leylany is better than her at "everything." That isn't really true, but it is true that Leylany outperforms Lily in most things that can be quantified. Lily's strengths-she's funny, artistic, creative, thoughtful, and adored by her classmates-are less concrete than Leylany's."
"I don't want to downplay Leylany's accomplishments to appease Lily, but I don't want either of them to feel like academic achievement is a measure of their worth. I've also found that I'm struggling to talk about their individuality without unintentionally implying the kind of comparison that I'm trying to avoid (like, "Leylany is athletic, but you're creative.") How do I navigate this?"
Two first-grade sisters show different profiles: Leylany excels academically and receives math enrichment, while Lily has attention issues affecting schoolwork and may be evaluated. Parents separated classes and extracurriculars to reduce comparison, but Lily feels inferior because Leylany outperforms her in measurable areas, while Lily's strengths are humor, creativity, thoughtfulness, and peer affection. Parent worries about valuing academic achievement as worth and struggles to describe individuality without implying comparisons. Advice includes reinforcing individual identities, applying equity rather than strict equality, and seeking strategies to support Lily's needs while celebrating both girls' distinct strengths.
Read at Slate Magazine
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