A mother experienced intense gender disappointment after learning she was pregnant with boys, reacting with days of sobbing and heartbreak. The mother felt profound grief, shame, and isolation while reconciling logical gratitude for a child with the emotional loss of a long-held vision of daughterhood. The disappointment stemmed from grieving imagined intimate, feminine bonding and from prior interactions with nephews who did not share her interests or energy. The mother shared her experience publicly to challenge the notion that gender disappointment is shallow and to reassure others that such feelings do not make them bad people or bad parents.
When I found out I was having boys - my heart shattered and the grief I felt seemed insurmountable. I felt so alone and ashamed. I'm sharing this because gender disappointment is often misunderstood as something shallow. Barbies or Dinos. But painful gender disappointment is rarely shallow and should not be judged. And if you have it - you are NOT a bad person or a bad mother.
This is hard for me to share. Yes - babies are always a blessing. I knew that - logically. And I am aware that not everyone believes that gender defines a baby/person in any profound way. But for me - it absolutely did.
My visions of being a boymom were literally - empty. They were colored by experiences with nephews who didn't share my interests or energy
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