"When our child was born, we went from fairly evenly split chores to me doing most of them. I had FMLA and my husband "Josh" didn't, daycare always called me instead of him, and then it became a habit. It left me miserable and cranky, at home and at work. This past summer, we sat down and talked it out. It wasn't fun, but we agreed to try to rebalance the work."
"It took practice for both of us, but Josh is loving and competent and now everything essential gets done. It's such a relief. Now, months in, I'm sleeping more. We're having enthusiastic sex again. I haven't stress-puked in over a month. I try to compliment Josh on being a good dad and a great spouse, and he also makes a special effort to notice the work I do. It sounds dumb, but the compliments do help."
When the child was born, household chores shifted so the mother handled most tasks because she had FMLA and the father did not, and daycare and others defaulted to contacting her. The imbalance left her miserable and cranky at home and work. They agreed to rebalance responsibilities, with the father owning planning and action for his tasks while both covered for each other as needed. The new division required practice but now ensures essential tasks are done, improved sleep, restored intimacy, and reduced stress. Regular compliments between partners reinforce appreciation. External criticism from other women about appearances and small imperfections causes shame and undermines confidence.
Read at Slate Magazine
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