The strange peace that comes when you finally stop explaining yourself to people who were never really listening - Silicon Canals

"We talk a lot about burnout in the context of work. Hustle culture, always-on mentality, the usual suspects. But there's a different kind of exhaustion that doesn't come from your job. It comes from the relentless labor of making yourself understood by people who have already decided what you are."

"Psychologist Dr. Edward Tronick's famous "Still Face" experiments showed that even infants become distressed when their caregiver's face goes emotionally blank. We're wired from birth to seek responsiveness. When we don't get it, we don't just feel unheard - we feel destabilized. As adults, we've learned to dress this distress up in more sophisticated clothing: over-explaining, people-pleasing, sending the follow-up text that says "does that make sense?""

Humans experience a specific type of exhaustion distinct from work-related burnout: the emotional toll of repeatedly explaining themselves to people who have already formed fixed judgments. This exhaustion stems from an innate need for responsiveness, rooted in early development. Research by psychologist Dr. Edward Tronick demonstrates that even infants become distressed when caregivers show no emotional response. Adults continue seeking this responsiveness throughout life, engaging in over-explaining and people-pleasing behaviors when they don't receive it. The repeated effort to make oneself understood by unreceptive listeners creates a form of destabilization. When someone realizes their explanations aren't being genuinely received, they often experience a moment of clarity followed by relief, recognizing the futility of the effort.

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