"I watched myself do exactly what I swore I'd never do again. My friend called me sobbing about her recent breakup, and within ten minutes, I'd already launched into my own relationship disaster from three years ago. "I know exactly how you feel," I said, before spending the next five minutes talking about my ex instead of listening to her pain. I hung up feeling helpful. She texted later saying she needed some space. That's when it hit me: I'd made her crisis about me,"
"When someone tells you their parent is sick, your first instinct might be to share about when your dad had surgery. Stop right there. This isn't bonding; it's hijacking. I learned this the hard way when a colleague confided about her miscarriage. I immediately jumped in with my cousin's similar experience, thinking I was showing empathy. Her face fell. She needed to be heard, not to hear about someone else."
People often respond to others' pain by immediately sharing their own similar experiences, which redirects attention and makes the moment about the responder. Immediate self-disclosure hijacks the conversation and prevents the person in distress from being heard. Toxic positivity—phrases like "everything happens for a reason" or "look on the bright side"—minimizes suffering and can feel dismissive. Emotionally intelligent people resist the urge to relate or reassure prematurely. They listen without sharing comparable stories, tolerate uncomfortable silence, and validate feelings instead of offering quick silver linings. Learning what not to do improves support and preserves the other person's space to grieve or vent.
Read at Silicon Canals
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]