"His partner's habit is I'm going to just say it weird. The focus on their accents is offensive, the focus on their frugality lacks empathy, and the whole thing suggests a person who has a grievance that they need to work on internally, not at the dinner table. It's time to move on. Before the next gathering, tell your brother that this habit makes it hard for you to have the relationship you want with the partner"
"If he brushes you off or gets defensive, remind him that your parents aren't there to defend themselves (not that they'd need to) and so to make them the butt of a joke seems cruel. Perhaps the partner means nothing by it. Great. If it means nothing, it should be no trouble to drop it. One of the points of a family gathering is to maintain and deepen relationships in the here and now."
You feel hurt when your brother's partner mocks your parents' frugality and accented English at family gatherings. The recommended first step is to speak privately with your brother and explain that the partner's habit makes it hard to enjoy visits and to build the relationship you want. Ask him to speak to his partner and intervene. If your brother dismisses or defends the behavior, remind him that your parents are not there to defend themselves and that making them the butt of a joke is cruel. If the partner intends no harm, she should be able to drop the habit.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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