Better Relationships With Better Boundaries

"Our psychological education on appropriate boundaries has fallen short of providing what we need to build strong and prosperous relationships. Boundaries are inevitably present in a committed relationship. The problem is that most couples are not aware of the nature of their boundaries and whether those boundaries actually serve the participants and the life of the relationship. Good boundaries are not intended to punish or to trigger a cascade of vindictive reprisals. Good boundaries protect, support uniqueness, and, whenever possible, support the building of rapport."

"A boundary is anything that separates. Fences, walls, and double yellow lines on a road are all boundaries. In a relationship, there are two types of boundaries: physical and emotional. Sleeping in different rooms or beds, as well as having separate closets, are physical boundaries. Not wanting to be touched or spoken to in a particular way is also a physical boundary."

Psychological education on appropriate boundaries has often been insufficient for building strong, prosperous relationships. Boundaries are inevitable in committed partnerships and determine whether interactions serve both participants and the relationship's life. Boundaries can be physical (sleeping arrangements, separate closets, touch preferences) or emotional (mental separations that allow observing another's feelings without solving them). Healthy boundaries protect individuality, avoid punitive use, and support rapport. Both physical and emotional boundaries can be non-permeable, semi-permeable, or permeable, and different levels should be employed to fit varying situations and needs. Proper boundary-setting involves clear communication, respect, and consideration of partners' needs.

Read at Psychology Today