Parents lost an older son and their remaining teen, Jason, struggles with grief, isolation, and listlessness. The maternal cousin, Matt, matches the deceased son's age but exhibits heavy marijuana use, oversleeping, excessive gaming, poor school performance, lack of ambition, and dangerous behavior driving while high. The parent rejects placing Matt in their home and resists sending Jason to stay with him. Advice emphasizes protecting Jason from unsupervised contact with Matt, recognizing Matt is unlikely to provide positive influence, and acknowledging that no substitute can replace the lost sibling. The suggestion includes thanking the sister and setting firm boundaries prioritizing Jason's recovery.
My husband and I had two sons, Seth and Jason, who were best buddies. Seth passed away a year and a half ago, which has been really hard on us all, but especially on Jason. He's now 17 and in high school. He's doing OK, but he is still sort of listless and keeps to himself a lot. My sister's son, Matt, was the same age as Seth. She suggested he come stay with us on school breaks as company and a role model
It is not necessary to point out to your sister that her son is an underachieving mess. Under no circumstances should your son be exposed to Cousin Matt without supervision, because that young man is well on his way down the road to nowhere. Tell your sister you know she means well, and while you appreciate the spirit in which she has made the offer, no one, including Matt, can substitute for the loss Jason feels for his brother.
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