"DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been talking to a guy for about a year now. It has been casual for two reasons: He is unemployed (for quite some time now) and struggling, and I am in the beginning of a divorce a messy scenario. We like each other and have enjoyed talking. Being the person I am, I have helped him in different ways, coaching him on his resume and helping him apply for jobs online, occasionally slipping him a few dollars when times have been tight."
"DEAR TIT FOR TAT: The two of you are in an impossible situation. You are not free to be in a relationship with him or anyone else until your divorce is fully finished. You seem to be looking for a soft landing space, perhaps because of what wasn't working in your marriage. He has proven that he cannot be that for you, and that is frustrating."
A woman describes a year-long casual connection with an unemployed, struggling man while beginning a messy divorce. She provided resume coaching, job-application help and occasional cash, and expects emotional availability in return. The man is often unavailable when she needs to talk and denies taking advantage. The relationship is considered untenable until the divorce is finalized. Prolonged unemployment and limited means constrain his ability to offer counsel or attentiveness. The advised course is to let him go and concentrate on resolving legal, practical and emotional issues before pursuing another partner. A separate visit to a friend with Parkinson's whose caregiver recently died is also described.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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