"This is so silly to care about because the world is such shit but goddamn when I see you I am such a fool. I want to be close to you. I want to talk and laugh and just spend time near you. I like when it feels like you look at me. Like you are interested in who I am."
"But its also obvious that you're not willing to be alone with me. Like it's nice that I see you, but we can't flirt or be near one and other . You like to feel that I want you, and nothing else. I guess that makes sense we both have a life. But gosh I just want to talk and flirt and maybe kiss a little! We are all gonna die so shouldn't we!? Anyway...thanks for the lighter."
I feel foolish caring about someone while the world feels terrible, yet their presence makes me a fool. I want physical and emotional closeness: to be near, talk, laugh, and spend time together. I appreciate moments when they seem to look at me and show interest in who I am. It is clear they are unwilling to be alone with me, and our interactions avoid flirting or intimacy. They seem to enjoy being desired without commitment. I acknowledge separate lives but still crave flirting, small kisses, and urgency born from mortality. I thank them for the lighter.
Read at Portland Mercury
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