If Aristotle Was Your Marriage Therapist

"More than two thousand years ago, Aristotle argued that the good life is built through practicing virtue. Not in a moralistic or religious sense, but as a matter of making choices to benefit relationships or humanity. Aristotle suggests that the best intimate relationships are not simply a byproduct of chemistry or compatibility. They are the fruit of both people being their best self."

"This question for Steve was a variation on the 'golden rule,' which emphasizes treating others how you want to be treated. This principle is so fundamental to human relations that at least twenty-one of the world's major religions have some variation of it as a core teaching. How do you want to be treated? That is your starting place for deciding how to treat your mate."

"Some therapy interventions emphasize skills, like using active listening or I-messages. But these are insufficient without virtues like kindness and loyalty. Virtues are not fixed traits but habits strengthened through repeated choices, and strong marriages are built by practicing virtue daily, not by waiting for feelings to improve."

Marriage problems often stem from disconnection from virtues rather than skill deficits. Strong relationships are built through deliberate practice of virtues like loyalty, gratitude, and kindness, which are habits strengthened through repeated choices. The golden rule perspective—treating others as you wish to be treated—helps partners examine their own impact and practice unselfish self-reflection. Aristotle's philosophy emphasizes that good intimate relationships result from both people choosing to be their best selves daily. Technical communication skills prove insufficient without underlying virtues. Marriages are formed through intentional virtue practice, not simply found through chemistry or compatibility.

Read at Psychology Today