"Ever had that moment where you realize the room got quiet right after you finished talking? Or noticed people checking their phones more when you're speaking? I used to brush these off as coincidence until a friend pulled me aside after a dinner party and gently told me I was exhausting to talk to. That stung. But it also opened my eyes to conversation habits I'd developed without realizing how draining they were for others. The truth is, most people are too polite to tell us when we're being conversational energy vampires. They'll smile, nod, and then mysteriously become "super busy" when we suggest hanging out again."
"Someone mentions they ran a 5K last weekend, and you immediately launch into your marathon training story. A colleague shares they're learning Spanish, and you counter with how you're already fluent in three languages. I watched a friend do this at every gathering, always one-upping everyone's experiences. The room would deflate each time she spoke. People stopped sharing their achievements around her because they knew she'd somehow make it about her superior accomplishment."
A person received blunt feedback that their conversation style exhausted others and then reflected on their habits. Most people hide discomfort with politeness, smiling and avoiding further interaction rather than calling it out. Seven specific draining habits were identified as common causes of social withdrawal. One prominent habit is turning conversations into competitions by one-upping others, which stems from insecurity and causes people to stop sharing. That dynamic deflates group energy and leads to reduced connection. Honest feedback and self-reflection revealed these patterns and their interpersonal consequences.
Read at Silicon Canals
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