"My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a decade. Since the start, we've gone through several phases in our sex lives. But unfortunately, I'm getting extremely bored with what we do. The problem, especially, is that I feel like he doesn't really leave room for us to develop different interests or really change as people sexually throughout our relationship."
"One looming question is whether this particular pattern shows up in other areas of your relationship or occurs only in the context of sexual preferences. For example, does your boyfriend consistently bring you a particular treat that you expressed enjoyment of in your first few months of dating, which you've become bored with? Or are there certain ways of handling household chores that have become habitual but you'd like to change?"
Sexual preferences evolve over time, and partners can mistakenly treat earlier expressed boundaries as permanent. A partner who rigidly follows an old preference can stifle exploration and create sexual boredom. It helps to assess whether this rigidity appears in other areas of the relationship, such as routines, gifts, or household roles. Identifying recurring patterns enables understanding of underlying reasons for inflexibility. Open, specific communication about current desires and willingness to renegotiate past boundaries facilitates sexual growth. Asking whether prior conversations about change were productive can guide how to approach updates. Framing requests as shared exploration encourages flexibility rather than lists of mandates.
Read at Slate Magazine
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