"Whether to reveal an affair is a classic example of what feels like a tension between doing a moral duty telling the truth and avoiding harm. On the one hand there's such a strong feeling that they're getting away with something and pulling you into their dissembling. On the other, everybody has a story of telling a partner and things blowing up in ways they didn't expect."
"So, I wonder if there's a question before whether to tell the husband. Could you maybe talk to your ex? They probably underestimate the cost to you of keeping this secret. In fact, they might not even think of it as keeping a secret. They might think of your silence as bowing out, not participating, staying out of it, when to you it feels every bit as much like a d"
Deciding whether to reveal a suspected affair requires weighing the moral duty to tell the truth against the risk of causing harm. Perceptions of flirting versus an affair vary, and certainty about the situation matters before disclosure. Telling can lead to unexpected consequences, including resentment or relationships ending, or alternatively the affair becoming the lasting relationship. Consider talking with the ex to clarify intentions and to acknowledge the personal burden of secrecy. Evaluate motives for disclosure, likely harms to all parties, and the potential impact on family dynamics, especially on adolescents within the shared social circle.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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