A practical outcome is that the husband will not attend family events where the sister is present, so the boozy dessert will not be served. The situation is not only about the cake or whether alcohol remains after baking. The deeper issue is ongoing frustration with the sister, her parenting, and the children’s behavior. The mother’s wish to accommodate the sister is experienced as disrespect and as enabling bad behavior. The writer notes that the person asking for advice feels too angry to expect a good time around the sister, her kids, and the mother. A pause on meetups may be considered, but the emotional dynamics could still persist.
"On a practical level, it seems like your problem is solved. Your husband won't be attending your family events. And, I assume he won't be baking for an event he's boycotting. So there will be no boozy cake. No need to decide whether to honor your mom's request."
"But of course, it's not just about the cake, or the alcohol in the cake (I'm sure readers will let me know whether it mostly burns off with the heat of the oven or not). You're sick of these people! Given the way you feel right now, it's hard for me to imagine you having a great time around your sister (who you think is an unreasonable human and a bad parent), her kids (who are apparently not super great company), and your mom, whose desire to accommodate your sister feels like an affront to your dignity, which I'm sure has a backstory that begins when you yourself were tantrum-aged."
Read at Slate Magazine
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