This is how we do it: Having threesomes has totally transformed us in and out of bed'

"Since my first pregnancy in my late 20s, my libido's been much lower than Eric's. But when I started perimenopause, I experienced this surge of desire (and curiosity) again, and he and I began to discuss our fantasies. Both of us were turned on by the idea of a threesome with another man, so a couple of years ago, I asked Eric if he'd be up for going to an adult social club."

"Eventually, I downloaded Feeld, a dating app for open-minded people, and after a few meet-ups, including a night having sex in the same room as another couple, last summer we arranged an actual threesome. We started by going on dates with various prospects, one of whom, Drake, stood out. He was 40, single, had been a third in a couple before, and when I kissed him in front of Eric in a bar, the chemistry was pretty electric."

"When making out progressed to sex, I felt empowered in a way I never have before. Afterwards, Eric and I were euphoric, but he struggled reliving certain memories in the days that followed. There were moments when he felt I'd been monopolised by Drake, which of course I felt guilty about. He's been insistent on working through any jealousy, though, and we've seen Drake a dozen more times. The experience has been transformative for me; I've never felt this confident, in bed or out."

I have been monogamous with Eric for 30 years. My libido dropped after pregnancy and rose during perimenopause, prompting fantasy discussions. The couple explored adult clubs and the Feeld app, met Drake, and arranged a threesome after dates. Making out led to sex, producing empowerment for me and complex jealousy for Eric. They continued seeing Drake together multiple times; the narrator began seeing Drake alone while sharing details with Eric. The experiences increased the narrator's sexual confidence and prompted ongoing work on jealousy and boundaries.

Read at www.theguardian.com