"Among Strout's characters is a middle-aged minister, Margaret, who seems accomplished in every way. She receives respect from her congregation and handles her responsibilities professionally. But she has a flaw. She is, or so people who know her well think, narcissistic. She focuses too much on her own career; she talks excessively about herself. Worse, she doesn't listen well to others. Instead of hearing their concerns and responding sympathetically, she manages them. Feeling this inattention most acutely is her husband, Bob."
"We can all plead guilty to being inattentive, at least at times. We become preoccupied with personal difficulties. We want to discuss our problems-and our successes. When we've made difficult decisions, we want validation from our listeners, but we don't want to hear criticism. Again, none of this is blameworthy. What is to be criticized is a propensity to use others simply as "backboards" or "dump sites.""
A middle-aged minister, Margaret, appears accomplished and commands respect, yet displays narcissistic tendencies: self-focused career talk, excessive self-reference, and poor listening. Her husband Bob experiences the resulting inattention most acutely. Many people become intermittently inattentive, preoccupied with personal difficulties, seeking validation while avoiding criticism. Using others as "backboards" or "dump sites" creates asymmetric interaction where one person dominates conversation and others occupy the listener role. Certain asymmetries are appropriate in professional contexts, but chronic imbalance in family and friendships turns people into functionaries, breeding resentment and isolation.
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