Long-term relationships often transition from passionate connection to hard, routine work that can erode initial excitement and leave partners feeling they are merely surviving. Marriage commonly involves confronting boredom, confusion, resentment, and the labor of staying together. The goal of marriage is described as achieving wholeness rather than pursuing constant happiness, and struggles within the relationship can contribute meaningful growth. Aging offers compensations such as increased maturity, greater consciousness, a reduced need to be right, and a stronger desire for human connection as physical vitality diminishes. Acknowledging these realities supports lasting commitment with dignity and purpose.
Forget the claptrap you see on rom-coms. And the Instagram version of relationships people curate for public consumption. Living with another human being over decades is hard work. It wears people down so they eventually lose the magic and racing pulse that drew them together in the first place. So often, long-term relationships or marriages can feel more like surviving than thriving. What makes it so hard to be married?
I sometimes get emails from readers taking me to task for portraying long-term relationships as the struggle and slog they are, like I have a distorted or cynical view of marriage. It's actually because I believe so deeply in the institution of marriage (and have been married for over 44 years), because I've worked with the reality of what couples are up against as a couple's therapist for more than three decades, that I feel entitled to speak what I see as the truth.
Collection
[
|
...
]