A non-binary guest assigned female at birth is attending a black-tie wedding in June and plans to wear menswear. Some members of the bride’s religious family object to seeing a woman in a suit, creating pressure to dress in a feminine way. The guest’s parents criticize the couple for expecting the guest to change for others’ comfort. A supportive brother and his wife note that the bride would likely receive the most complaints from her relatives if the guest wears a suit. The guest wants to avoid putting the bride in a difficult position, but also feels angry and uncomfortable being asked to present femininely when that presentation does not match their identity.
"I am non-binary, and when dressing up is required, I will go with menswear. I can't believe what a drama this has caused. I was assigned female at birth, so when someone meets me, the assumption is that I'm a woman. Even though my family is very supportive and Beth is just as kind, there are members of her family who are extremely religious and will balk at what they will see as a woman in a suit (not that I imagine they would change their minds if I said I wasn't a woman; in fact this would probably make it worse)."
"My parents are upset with Sol and Beth for expecting me to change myself for the comfort of other people. Meanwhile, my other brother, "Benji," and his wife, "Gwen," while also being very supportive of me, pointed out that if I did wear a suit, the person who would be hearing the most about it would be my soon to be sister-in-law. She's the one all of her religious relatives will be complaining about it to. I definitely don't want Beth to have to deal with that. It's her wedding day and it should be about her and my brother and the life they are building together."
"At the same time though, I'm really pissed! They are fine with me not wearing a dress, but still want what I do wear to be appropriately feminine so as not to raise the ire of these religious relatives. But I'm not feminine! And dressing feminine makes me feel even more uncomfortable than I already am at any given time while in pu"
#non-binary-identity #wedding-attire #religious-family-expectations #gender-presentation #family-conflict
Read at Slate Magazine
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