It's Andy Burnham, the man who could be king. Will he, won't he are we really still watching this movie? | Marina Hyde

"We somehow have to make this more fun than immersing ourselves in the remorselessly petty mathematical dynamics of Labour's National Executive Committee. So here goes: movie-wise, before Pirates of Caribbean, Johnny Depp used to embody a desirable scarcity model. As a cultural asset he was high-prestige, low-supply, and every rudderless director thought that if only the mysterious Johnny was at the helm of their project, then everything would be rosy."

"After the unexpected mega-success of that film, the actor made himself available, and his aura evaporated. He made the conscious leap to middle-of-the-road A-listery and his cultural premium collapsed. Johnny Depp and his basic eyeliner were in everything, from franchises to mass-market fantasies to a couple of grim court cases with his ex-wife (obviously, Andy hasn't been involved in even the metaphorical version of the last one, though Burnham v Starmer could be quite the rubbernecking spectacle)."

"These days, Johnny Depp has been cast out of the multiplex. Riyadh might be the only place he can open a movie, given he's been reduced to a lucrative bromance with Saudi crown prince Mohammed bin Salman. As Vanity Fair hilariously had it: Both men knew how it felt to suddenly go from golden boy to outcast."

Andy Burnham's potential return to Westminster is framed as analogous to Johnny Depp's career trajectory, focusing on scarcity and availability dynamics. Johnny Depp once embodied high-prestige, low-supply cultural capital, making him hyper-selective and desirable to filmmakers. The surprise mega-success of Pirates of the Caribbean expanded his availability, collapsing that aura into mainstream ubiquity. Availability erased exclusivity, reducing cultural premium and inviting indifferent, wide-ranging work. Labour's internal numerical politics feel petty against this theatrical frame. A public Burnham v Starmer showdown would likely become a rubbernecking spectacle that further dissipates scarcity-driven mystique.

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