Who could be behind the phantom briefing and the tax rise that wasn't? Inspector Starmer is on the case | Marina Hyde

"At this rate the only businesses who will want to invest in Britain after the budget are heroin dealers. No 10 used to have a news grid, now it has an apology grid. Even so, why did Keir Starmer apologise for a sensationally self-destructive round of briefing against Wes Streeting if he didn't do it? This is like me apologising for accidentally releasing sex offenders from prison."

"If you're just joining us, this is a week in which the government finally achieved the chaos spiral of several recent Conservative administrations. We can now officially say: same car, different clowns. We are less than two weeks out from the budget, with Friday morning's Downfall meme being yet another U-turn, with the chancellor reportedly not going ahead with her all-but-confirmed plans to raise basic- and higher-rate income tax."

"The gilt markets reacted accordingly, if by accordingly we mean made emergency calls for Andrex but then new Treasury briefings insisted it was all actually good news and based on better forecasts. Tell you what Rachel Reeves won't raise: fuel duty on circus vehicles. Seriously, nothing says budget responsibility like sending a second budget plan to the Office for Budget Responsibility that rips up the first. You'll be familiar with the fiscal black hole. This moment could be its event horizon."

The government has descended into a chaos spiral, repeating failures of recent Conservative administrations and prompting public apologies and confusion. A sensational round of briefings led to an apology over claims about Keir Starmer, while past high-profile apologies, such as Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's over Jeffrey Epstein links, are evoked as precedent. Less than two weeks before the budget, reported plans to raise basic- and higher-rate income tax were reportedly shelved, triggering gilt market panic and emergency responses. Treasury briefings framed the changes as positive based on revised forecasts. Rather than raising income tax, national insurance or VAT, the plan favors a smorgasbord of smaller taxes.

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