"I drank. Probably before I met my boyfriend at the Toronto Island ferry. It was the summer of 2020, and I was always buzzed. Sometimes I drank a whole carton of wine on the other side of the lake before getting onto the boat. Sometimes I'd show up early on the island and sit in a park and down a mickey of vodka before seeing him, and then I'd gently twist his proverbial arm, and we'd have more drinks at the restaurant's tiki bar."
"Another cider and the day fading into evening, the music a little louder, the laughter more hysterical-theirs or mine, I don't know-and then more cider, and the contours of trees, people, my feet, his face, all of it blurring, slowly losing the contours, bleeding into itself, my words gummier and clunkier in my mouth, my hands more erratic, my rage swirling somewhere in my belly."
"The pandemic and social media made it easy to keep tabs on each other, but there was little risk of anyone familiar seeing the poster girl for sobriety having a big ol' drink. At some point, I got on the bike. I torpedoed ahead. When drunk, I'm often in a war. I challenged my boyfriend to a race, except there was no race, just him trying to catch me as I lunged forward."
The author describes a period during summer 2020 when she drank heavily despite being known publicly as the author of an addiction memoir. She would consume alcohol before meeting her boyfriend at the Toronto Island ferry, often drinking wine or vodka in advance, then continuing to drink at social venues. During these outings, she experienced progressive intoxication, losing physical coordination and mental clarity as the day progressed into evening. The pandemic and social media isolation made it easier to hide this behavior from people who knew her as a sobriety advocate. One particular night escalated rapidly, with her becoming increasingly intoxicated and engaging in reckless behavior, including challenging her boyfriend to a race on a bike while in an altered state.
Read at The Walrus
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