"I was waiting for an overwhelming rush of love, but when I looked at my newborn baby what I felt was utter despair. No matter how much I smiled at her, crooned at her, fed, patted, caressed and changed her, I was absolutely numb."
"Growing up in Italy, I was surrounded by images of perfect motherhood. Every rural crossroad has its tiny shrine to the Madonna and Child. I was certain by the end of my teens that I wanted to have at least one baby."
"You must hold and smell that warm, moving bundle of flesh and vulnerability, to feel: I want this, too. My due day came and I was filled with conflicting emotions."
Anticipation of motherhood often contrasts sharply with reality. A yearning for a child can lead to feelings of despair instead of joy. Cultural images of motherhood create unrealistic expectations. Personal history, including loss and emotional distance, shapes perceptions of motherhood. The author reflects on her upbringing in Italy, where experiences with infants were limited and often negative. A godmother's affection provided a glimpse of the warmth associated with babies, highlighting the complexity of maternal feelings and the need for physical connection to foster love.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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