Dr. Mindy DeSeta states, 'Penis size is often treated like a shortcut - the bigger the penis, the more pleasure someone can supposedly give.' This cultural belief can significantly impact men's self-esteem and sexual confidence.
Visualising "your best life" can boost mood and create a sense of hopefulness. That good feeling you get, and the boost in your mood, are nothing to sneeze at, but-and there is a but-feeling good is not the same as creating change. And this is where it can get tricky when you are applying it to a sex life that you actively want to change.
It's absolutely possible to be experiencing pelvic pain due to orgasm. Firstly, you live in your body full time, and you're present for every orgasm you have, so I'm inclined to trust the pattern you're seeing. Secondly, I've known more than one person who enjoys sex but actively avoids orgasms for the exact same reason as you.
A few years ago, I, a 21-year-old man, agreed to take part in a stupid frat hazing activity. Unbeknownst to "Felipe," a 21-year-old man, I performed oral sex on him during that activity while he was blindfolded. At the time, Felipe was just an acquaintance-we didn't become good friends until much later. Felipe's big brother at the frat, "Ron," is the only person besides me who knows that I performed oral on Felipe.
The moment sex becomes something you owe rather than something you want, the dynamic shifts entirely. It reframes intimacy as a transaction, and that's where things start to go wrong. Sex debt thinking often comes from a place of insecurity or poor communication. Usually, couples have never discussed what sex actually means to them in the context of their relationship.
The realm of intimate relationships is wide and diverse, providing endless opportunities to discover joy, pleasure and connection. But exploring new ground without consent from both parties may cause unease, betrayals of confidence and even injury. A good sexual relationship depends on this kind of conversation because it ensures that any exploration is grounded in permission and mutual curiosity, strengthening the connection and enhancing the experience for both parties.
In the past, when we've done these analyses, we've seen couples express an interest in bondage play or sensory play. But this year, we're almost seeing a shift towards getting back to basics. I found it so interesting that regardless of gender, age or where you live, people want more oral sex.
At any point, any of your partners may have been thinking of someone (or even something) else to help themselves get over the edge. The idea of making someone orgasm with, to put it your way, just you is an illusion. People bring a lifetime of experience to the sex they have, including ways to help facilitate orgasm. Sex alone may not be enough to get your wife to come.
Since my first pregnancy in my late 20s, my libido's been much lower than Eric's. But when I started perimenopause, I experienced this surge of desire (and curiosity) again, and he and I began to discuss our fantasies. Both of us were turned on by the idea of a threesome with another man, so a couple of years ago, I asked Eric if he'd be up for going to an adult social club.
