The Boyosphere

"A: Right. When you dive into the data and look at the studies- H: Mommies are straight-up, like, literally- H: Exactly. Not for nothing, you look superstrong. Like, pick-up-your-little-sister-and-walk-a-few-steps strong. A: It's my new raw cran-apple pouch line. H: I've been cran-apple juicing since I was two. A: But that shit's been double pasteurized. Mine retains all the healthy bacteria and pathogens so you build up natural immunity to girls. Try it."

"A: All you need is that and twelve hours' sleep. H: Twelve? I'm lucky if I get, like, ten. A: Ten's the baseline. You need twelve to tap the real benefits: higher swinging velocity, roughhousing stamina, sharper cognitive processing for that thing in the pediatrician's waiting room with those wires you slide beads along for no discernible purpose. H: That's including nap time? A: I don't do naps. Body's way of surrendering."

Children benefit from a regimen combining nutrition, abundant sleep, focused micro-rest, and rigorous playground activity. A raw cran-apple pouch is suggested to retain bacteria and pathogens that help build natural immunity. Twelve hours of sleep is described as necessary for increased swinging velocity, roughhousing stamina, and improved cognitive processing for simple pediatric waiting-room tasks. Micro-meditation sessions preserve focus and permit selective responsiveness to repeated requests. Play routines emphasize jungle-gym work, monkey-bar intervals, and tag, with correct form and acceptance of soreness as essential. Cheating to shortcut progress is criticized and perseverance is framed as the path to results.

Read at The New Yorker