Advice From Those Who Are Grieving

""I know this is a difficult day," I offered. She looked at me, startled then said, "Thank you for saying that. No one has mentioned him." "Tell me about him," I said. What followed was a memorable conversation, not only for what I learned about her remarkable son, but also for the lessons she offered about how well-intended attempts to help can often miss the mark."

"Suffering is inevitable for all of us; so too is grief. A parable captures this truth: a young mother, inconsolable after her child's death, begs the Buddha to restore her child to life. He agrees on the condition that she collect a single mustard seed from any family in her village untouched by death. The mother returns empty-handed. Every household had experienced loss."

"In researching my upcoming book on how to boost resilience during difficult times, I interviewed many who were devastated by loss. I came away with important insights about how to best connect with those who are grieving, including this one: acknowledging someone's pain bolsters connection, serving as a balm, and talking about their loved one brings comfort, not distress."

A personal encounter on the first anniversary of a son's death showed that simple acknowledgment of a difficult day and inviting conversation led to meaningful sharing and comfort. Interviews with people devastated by loss revealed that acknowledging pain strengthens connection and that talking about lost loved ones brings comfort rather than distress. A parable about a mother seeking a mustard seed from a household untouched by death illustrates the universality of grief and how acceptance can soften sorrow and foster compassion. Grieving is a fundamental life skill. Strong social connections act as a necessary lifeline that increases resilience after bereavement.

Read at Psychology Today