"At 75, I've discovered that pain, both physical and emotional, can be a blessing; pain often lets one know that something is awry. A gut check. I'm a slow learner, I suppose... Early in adult life, I pursued with intensity a model of striving for "the bigger, the better." I thought material possessions made me a superior person, gave me bragging rights. I was wrong."
"I was angry at the material success of others, yet so wrong. I was jealous, caught up in senseless male superiority: Mine's bigger than yours! My anger grew. Having been diagnosed several years ago with Alzheimer's, followed by prostate cancer, deep depression, macular degeneration (all family diseases), then the loss of our son Conor, and more recently, chest cancer surgery, I felt at times that I've been cheated in life."
At 75, chronic and acute physical and emotional pain have become signals and occasional blessings that reveal when something is awry. Early life centered on materialism, envy, and a pursuit of comparative superiority, producing anger and regret. Career realities and perceived failures amplified Irish guilt and jealousy. Multiple diagnoses—Alzheimer's, prostate cancer, macular degeneration, deep depression—and the loss of a son intensified feelings of having been cheated. Gradual change emerged through solitary walks on the Brewster Flats of Cape Cod, where sweeping tidal cycles visibly reconfigure and cleanse the landscape, fostering perspective, humility, acceptance, and inner strength.
Read at Psychology Today
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