What to Do When You Don't Feel That You Matter

"Few experiences are more emotionally and psychologically taxing than feeling that you don't matter. You might sense it when you're talked over in a meeting, when no one asks for your opinion, when you work hard, but your efforts aren't acknowledged, when your teenage child no longer wants to spend time with you, or upon retirement, when that inevitable question sneaks in: Does anyone need me?"

"What makes these experiences so intense is that they trigger something deeper than disappointment or hurt. From birth, we're wired to become important to other people. You wouldn't be reading these words right now if you hadn't, at some point, been important enough to another person that they kept you alive. To matter is a survival instinct. As we age, that instinct to matter evolves into a fundamental psychological need:"

Feeling unseen, unheard, and unvalued is increasingly common and emotionally taxing. Such feelings arise in many contexts: work, family interactions, and life transitions like retirement. From birth, humans are wired to become important to others, making mattering a survival-based psychological need. When mattering is satisfied, motivation, well-being, and mental health improve. When mattering is absent, people withdraw, lose energy, and become more vulnerable to stress and sharper reactions. Surveys indicate substantial rates of invisibility, exclusion, and loneliness. People can learn cognitive and behavioral strategies to recognize their impact, acknowledge their gifts, and build validating relationships to increase mattering.

Read at Psychology Today