When Change Feels Hard, Scale It

"Distress tolerance is the perception and ability to tolerate emotional discomfort without allowing it to derail your actions (or your relationships). When we believe we can make space for challenging emotions, our behavior isn't focused on getting rid of them. This then opens us up to responding in ways that align with our values."

"When we're distress intolerant, on the other hand, our behaviors typically become aligned with our emotions and with getting rid of the distress (which only makes it stronger)."

"Meaningful change requires discomfort. If you want to do something hard, it will likely require feeling something hard—an uncomfortable emotion, uncertain thought, or urge you'd rather avoid. But there's no way around it, only through it."

Distress tolerance is the capacity to experience emotional discomfort while maintaining behavior aligned with personal values, rather than acting to eliminate the discomfort. When distress intolerant, people's behaviors become focused on escaping emotions, which paradoxically strengthens them. Meaningful change requires experiencing uncomfortable emotions, uncertain thoughts, or unwanted urges. Examples include guilt when setting boundaries, boredom when reducing social media, frustration when exercising, or worry when granting children independence. Cell phones undermine distress tolerance by providing constant escape from discomfort. Building this capacity requires intentionally expanding comfort with uncomfortable feelings through practice.

Read at Psychology Today