"There is often shame in the question, "Why can't I let go?" Many people are not actually searching for the true answer, but instead focusing on the shame of struggling to stop. When we look deeper, though, there are often very real reasons why letting go feels impossible. For example, if you've ever miscarried and know your body can conceive, every new attempt carries that same possibility. It becomes entirely logical to try again."
"The more something feels just out of reach, the more it grips our attention and emotional energy. Obstacles not only frustrate desire, but they can also intensify it. A wish becomes a pursuit, and something that once felt natural begins to carry a sense of urgency. At that point, it is no longer simply about biology. It becomes about identity, hope, and the longing to finish a story the body keeps interrupting. This is why pulling back feels so tormenting."
Ending or pausing fertility treatment mixes identity, hope, and deeply held emotional reasoning, making stopping feel impossible even when harmful. Past pregnancies or miscarriages make repeating attempts logical because the body has shown conception is possible. Blocked goals intensify desire, turning a wish into a pursuit and creating urgency beyond biology. Cultural scripts about success and belonging convert into internal expectations, increasing shame and perceived failure when life diverges. Intermittent reinforcement and partial progress strengthen the compulsion to continue. Letting go can be reframed as a return to oneself, prioritizing self-care and wellbeing rather than surrender.
Read at Psychology Today
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