A Passion for Self-Compassion

"The idea of "self-compassion" has exploded since the early 2000s, when Kristin Neff, a psychologist in Austin, first described a three-pronged approach: Being kind to yourself, particularly around mistakes or distress-in-contrast to reacting with self-criticism or judgment. Seeing our common humanity-viewing ourselves as part of a larger human experience and whole, rather than separate and alone. Using mindfulness: holding our emotions and thoughts in neutral awareness, simply noting or labeling our experience and feelings-rather than rushing to evaluate them as "bad" or "good.""

"But how do we do it? How do we turn around a lifetime of expert, negative self-talk ("What an idiot! Why did I say/do/think that?!") and turn it into beneficent self-compassion? Like any new behavior, it's not overnight. And that's an ironic part of the problem, right? When you begin a new habit (e.g., self-compassion), all those decades of habitual self-talk rush in to quash our efforts: "There you go, calling yourself an idiot again. You're supposed to be self-compassionate, dammit. Fail!!""

Self-compassion consists of three components: kindness toward oneself during mistakes or distress, recognizing common humanity instead of isolation, and using mindfulness to hold emotions in neutral awareness. Benefits include improved mental health, reduced stress and anxiety, and even pain relief. Habitual negative self-talk often undermines attempts to be self-compassionate, so change requires persistence and small, repeated practices. Suspending self-attack, selecting one or two simple techniques, and continuing despite inner criticism helps build the habit. One practical starter is facing the mirror in the morning, smiling, and offering a sincere "good morning" aloud.

Read at Psychology Today