How to Deal With Parental Guilt When It Shows Up

"Research on attachment and child development tells us that repairing ruptures matters more than avoiding them in the first place. You don't have to get it right every time - or even most of the time. What matters is coming back."

"When guilt shows up, try this: Notice it without judgment: 'I'm having thoughts that I'm selfish for needing a break.' Challenge it gently: 'Is meeting my needs actually hurting my child? Or is it helping?'"

"Comparison doesn't help you parent better - your hard is your hard, regardless of others' circumstances. The repair practice teaches children that mistakes don't have to break connection."

Parental guilt often convinces parents that self-care is selfish and that good parents should handle everything alone. Research on attachment and child development demonstrates that repairing relationship ruptures matters more than avoiding them entirely. Parents don't need to get everything right every time; what matters is returning and reconnecting after mistakes. When guilt appears, the practice involves noticing it without judgment and questioning whether meeting personal needs actually harms the child or helps them. Comparing your parenting to others' circumstances is unhelpful because everyone's challenges are unique. Teaching children that mistakes don't break connection through repair practices builds resilience and secure relationships.

Read at Psychology Today