A hurtful comment about “sugar mama” is likely aimed at the father rather than the new partner. The remark was directed at him when the partner was not present, so the main conflict is between parent and child. The partner can still express upset feelings to the boyfriend. The boyfriend should take the lead because he is the children’s parent and is responsible for navigating the interstate relationship. Directly managing the children’s behavior and conversations should be handled by the parent, while the partner supports from a respectful, secondary role during the visit period.
"I understand why you found your boyfriend's daughter's comment upsetting. For what it's worth, I doubt her reasons for saying it had much, if anything, to do with you-it really sounds like something she said primarily to hurt her father. It was directed at him when you weren't present, and I think whatever conflict exists is largely between the two of them, not the two of you."
"That doesn't mean that you're not entitled to be upset about the "sugar mama" remark. You can and should feel free to talk about your feelings with your boyfriend. But since he is his daughters' parent, the one trying to navigate this interstate relationship with them, and the one who was in"
Read at Slate Magazine
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