Many adult children cycle through periods of closeness and withdrawal, often due to stress, relationships, finances, or different communication styles. Parents frequently respond by over-pursuing through repeated texts, problem-solving, or financial rescues, which can leave parents feeling disrespected, unseen, and emotionally drained while undermining adult children's competence. Shifting from chasing to anchoring involves calm, firm, non-controlling boundaries that preserve dignity and well-being. Anchoring expresses belief in the child's competence rather than rescue. Strategic restraint and different responses can reclaim peace, protect self-respect, and improve connection over time.
They wonder if they did something wrong, or if they should send just one more text. Given that you are reading this post, there is a good chance you are living in fear of losing your adult child's connection, or even love, with you. Maybe they have not been responding to your text messages or voicemails. Perhaps you are fretting over some family friction that your adult child was involved in since you last heard from them.
Stress, relationships, financial struggles, or even just different communication styles can make them withdraw. The problem is that when parents over-pursue, they often feel disrespected, unseen, and emotionally drained. The good news? You don't have to keep chasing. These five sound bites below can help you reclaim peace, preserve self-respect, and improve connection over time. They all share a common element of being calm, firm, and non-controlling, the core themes of my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.
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