What Do I Do If My Child Won't Talk About an Upsetting Time?

"Whether your child is typically a sharer but now won't or is all the more their customary non-sharing self, the first thing is to try to identify the "why" behind your child's reticence. By approaching it with heart and availability, and without judgment, you can create closeness."

"Some children seem to be natural talkers/sharers. They offer what happened at school, speak about what they are feeling, and generally come to you about anything on their mind. However, even these children go through periods of time when they close down to you."

"When something likely to have been upsetting happens in your child's small or larger world, how are you, as a parent, to know if your child is doing OK when they are not talking about it? There are four basic reasons to consider for any child who seems closed down to you in the face of upsetting events."

Parents often worry when children don't discuss upsetting events, whether the child is typically talkative or naturally reserved. Understanding why a child has become withdrawn or remains silent is essential. Some reasons for silence are developmentally normal, while others warrant concern. By approaching children with openness, availability, and without judgment, parents can create emotional closeness and better understand their child's needs. The example of Jordan, an 11-year-old who stopped discussing his aunt's death despite normally being forthcoming, illustrates how increased questioning can paradoxically lead to less communication. Parents must identify the underlying reasons for a child's reticence to determine if the behavior is appropriate or problematic.

Read at Psychology Today