People who can't stop offering to help carry things, refill drinks, or load the dishwasher at someone else's house aren't well-raised, they grew up in homes where being useful was the price of being welcome - Silicon Canals

"The difference between helping and earning is significant. Generosity comes from a settled sense of self, while the need to help can stem from anxiety and a desire to pay off perceived debts."

"Children learn their sense of belonging from adult responses. If warmth is consistently linked to doing, they grow up believing that their worth is tied to their actions rather than their presence."

Compulsive helpers at social gatherings often appear thoughtful and well-mannered, but their behavior can stem from deeper anxieties. There are two types of helpfulness: one rooted in generosity and self-assurance, and another driven by a need to earn approval. Children learn their sense of belonging from adult responses, developing an internal map of behaviors that elicit warmth or coldness. This conditioning can lead to a reliance on doing rather than simply being, affecting their self-worth and comfort in social situations.

Read at Silicon Canals