I'm in my 30s and the thing I understand now that I couldn't at 22 is that the people I was most desperate to impress were the ones least capable of seeing me clearly. The approval I chased hardest was always from people who didn't have the emotional equipment to give it, and recognizing that changed everything. - Silicon Canals

"I thought if I could just be smarter, funnier, more accomplished, the warmth would come. I chased his approval the way you chase a bus that's already left the stop, running harder precisely because it was pulling away."

"What I've come to understand, at 33, is something less comfortable: the people I was most desperate to impress were almost always the ones least equipped to see me clearly."

"I was drawn to him because his emotional remoteness made his approval feel scarce, and scarcity made it feel valuable."

A father’s emotional containment can impact a child's perception of affection and approval. The pursuit of validation in adulthood often targets those least capable of providing it. This pattern, rooted in childhood experiences, leads to a strategic choice of relationships that mirror past dynamics. The author reflects on their own experiences, recognizing that the desire for approval is not merely about belonging but is influenced by deeper psychological patterns formed early in life.

Read at Silicon Canals